Have you finally orgasmed yet?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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