all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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