Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have post one night stand depression
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
