Farmville is her only friend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
