Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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