Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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