i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
