Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize