if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish my penis had an off switch
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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