i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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