I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
