I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
