Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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