it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
