I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
