Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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