Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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