he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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