i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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