he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
