I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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