mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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