During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize