Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
