1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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