nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
