I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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