Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
