Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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