You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
