dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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