Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
