I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
