I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
smell my finger.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
