god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
