the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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