I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
