Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
