Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
