Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
