The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
