Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
