They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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