You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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