There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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