Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Two words: blizzard sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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