You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
