If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
