So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
