I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
