She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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