worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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