I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
