I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
