So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I met the friendliest cop last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I will pee on everything he values.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
