i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
