So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Less talking, more tequila
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
