Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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