I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
