I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
