New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dear god my vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
