Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
