I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
