So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
