She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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