You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
