I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize