You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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