ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
