He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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