Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
