Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
