Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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