i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
