my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
