apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
