she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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