Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's rum buckets o'clock
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