hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
