I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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