no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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